The Unaccountable Days
by Rupanshi5
Summary: "Richard Castle, you are under arrest for the murder of Katherine Houghton Beckett."
1. Chapter 1

"Richard Castle, you are under arrest for the murder of Katherine Houghton Beckett. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in court"

He feels his heart stop.

"Kate?"

He isn't thinking clearly… the world is going black. _NO! NO SHE CAN'T BE DEAD _

"Kate… is d..?" _No don't say it! she isn't dead! Rick she's alive… first breath.. control the situation_… He feels a tear slide down his cheek as the bite of the cold metal cuffs comes in contact with his wrists. A stabbing pain goes through him but he has no clue where or why… _Why is my head spinning? _He can feel the world around him spin as the blood rushes up to his brain… the bile up his throat… he feels like he is walking bare feet on glass. The world is a blur. The police officer standing in front of him is a blur. And then the world blacks out, giving away to a hole under his feet… the world slips away right beneath his feet and feels himself going down the ragged tsunami that now engulfs him. He can't breath. He can't see. He can't think. He can't remember. He can't move. He doesn't want to move. He wants to die. He's accepted it. The end of it al- _beep beep beep _

_The fuck is that beeping? Wait… I've heard that before… no… I was supposed to die… _He feels so hopeless just then that he's sure he can feel tears on the sides of his face. _If I stay still and hold my breath long enough maybe I'm weak enough to actually die without having to face life again… _He feels another stabbing pain in his arm and then slowly on his other arm. He can feel it spread down his body little by little as if his body is being suppressed. Out of control. He can't identify it. The continuous stabs make him feel strangely numb.

_Should I open my eyes? Well are you ready to face the world Rick? _He decides that he needs to face it instead of running away from it. _Alexis is still there… she needs you, you coward of a man. The love of your life may not be around anymore but your daughter is! who's going to take care of her? Meredith? That bitch can't take care of herself how is she to take care of Alexis… plus do you really want her to remember you as a murderer? The murdered of the one woman she considered a role model? and what about your Mother? She didn't raise you a murderer, must she believe you one? She didn't raise you a coward or a runner either… _

He huffs mentally and tries to open his eyes very slowly but finds a burning pain sear into his eyes in trying to do so. _Fight it Richard… you can do this… you need to know what happened and you need to set things right. _Having let his mind win over him, he concentrates all his willpower into trying to open his eyes and finds this overwhelming wish to just give up. It feels like hours before he succeeds in the smallest peeks and then he can hear the machines go crazy.

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! _

The machines are followed by the sound of people running and a flow of words he can't make any sense out of of. He forces his eyes open and this time he's able to keep them open longer. What he sees leaves him shocked and surprised.

_She's alive… _


	2. Chapter 2

"Richard Castle, you are under arrest for the murder of Katherine Houghton Beckett, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do can be used against you in court"

The man being spoken to, suddenly feels like the earth is giving away under his feet and he wakes with a startle. He pants as he feels sweat beads trickle down his forehead. More than wide awake from his nightmare, he looks around his surroundings to find the woman herself, naked and wrapped around his body. As he moves abruptly, he sees her slowly awaken from her slumber, one wouldn't be able to tell but he knows her. He can see that little shake of her head and the way her fingers slowly slide off his shoulder, he can feel her inhale against his skin before she actually raises her head, her adorable green-brown eyes looking up at him with a single eyebrow raised. Her face showing both curiosity and annoyance all within one look and then morph from that to a look of worry within a second as he feels her eyes roam over his face.

"Babe you ok?" he finally hears her, but he can't say. He's still trying to process his nightmare, her words don't even register to him. He feels her fingers running down the side of his face, snapping him out of his mental war.

"Uh? huh… yeah… yeah I'm fine Kate, go back to sleep, I'm sure it's way too early" He moves to look at the clock on his nightstand, and he's right, the clock reads 5:56 AM on it. "It's barely 6 AM, go back to sleep"

"Rick…" Kate sits up to look into his eyes. He can hear the faint warning in her voice but he's still dealing with the idea of her being dead. He needs to know she's alive. That she's real and she's here. So he cups her face and kisses her with all the passion and love within him, he can feel her take a moment before responding to it, he soon finds one of his hands on her lower back with her body pressed flush against him, he can feel her lips against his and feel her heartbeat as he continues to ravish her mouth, only stopping when she pushes him away to stare at him.

"What's wrong Castle?"

"Can't I just kiss my wife in the morning?"

"Fiancee and don't try and change the topic. What's wrong?"

He doesn't want to talk about it yet, so he gets up, he pulls on his boxers and walks into the ensuit bathroom, locking the bathroom door behind him. At first he feels like he's going to throw up. But when he feels nothing escape his throat, he walks up to the sink and lets the cold water fill his cupped palms before he splashes his face with it. He does it again and again. He can hear her through the door. He can hear her worry and her frustration in her voice and he knows he's not going to get out of this. Not anymore.

He sighs and turns around, unlocking the bathroom without bothering to wipe the water off his face, finding a very angry Kate Beckett standing at the door. The split second in which he opens the door and sees her, he finds himself pinned against the bathroom floor with her sitting on top of him. He can hear her speak but he can also feel the burn of the cold marble floor against his naked back. _Concentrate Rick. What is she saying… _

"… tell me what is going on right now"

_Ok quick escape… how does one explain nightmares.. ah yes… _

"Occupational hazard, the many drawbacks of being a mystery writer… enhanced imagination"

She raises her brow again, that speaks volumes along the line of 'who do you think you're kidding?'

_Ok Plan B, change of topic, distraction… aha! _

"You know the very fact that you're on top of me naked right now is doing all these things to me, if only we weren't on our bathroom floor… how about we take this back to bed hmm? I know it's impossible to resist me but the bathroom floor just happens to be a little cold" he tries as his fingers start stroking her back. He knows how these movements affect her and can see the minor changes in her body as she starts to react to them but then a second later, she's off him and getting dressed and he's left staring at her.

"What is it Castle?"

"Why are you getting dressed?"

"Why are you hiding from me?"

"Why are you so curious today?"

"Why can't you just tell me what's going on perhaps? I know you've been through a lot the past couple months and it could never have been easy. I know they brainwashed you and tortured you. And you don't remember any of it. I did too ok? I spent two months looking for you while the world told me you had planned your own departure, I was out HUNTING for you while FBI agents laughed behind my back. I was looking for you shallow and deep without a clue if you were even alive or dead… You've been through a lot and so have I, each of us has had the worst the past few months… But could it be so bad that we go back to our old habits of hiding or worse, lying? You remember how long it took us to admit to each other. Just because we were too busy trying to believe what our heads told us?"

He sighs, getting up and hugs her tightly. "I'm sorry Kate. it's been too long since I have shared. It's going to take time"

"Castle" she says as she pulls away and cups his face. "I love you. I really do. and I really want to help you. We may not be officially married yet by all terms but we're engaged right? We're in everything together. Remember that? Please Babe. Please just let me in? It's been 4 months now. I've been trying. I've been trying so hard but all I get from you are short sentences and a lot of waking up in the middle of the nights… You know you once told me to go speak to someone about my problems. I'm asking you to do the same now."

He sees tears flow down the side of her eyes and automatically reaches to kiss them away. He then takes her hand and takes her back to the bedroom. Once there, he seats her on the bed and sits facing her with a sad smile.

"Tonight…" he starts, trying to choose his words very carefully. "I had a nightmare. The same I've had over and over again. Only usually I remember days months or years passing by in them, today all I remember is a single sentence. It's not the only recurring nightmare. I have a whole collection of them"

"Well?"

"Kate, in my nightmare… you were dead. And I was responsible for it" He tries to explain it while he can feel his own tears form.

She sits back in shock and for more than once in the past four months she wonders. _What did those people really do to him? _


	3. Chapter 3

She feels her heart break a little as she watches the man fall apart in front of her. She can see him breaking as if she were actually dead. And then it hits her. He subconsciously actually believes her dead. He's been mourning the past 4 months and she never connected the dots. He's literally done everything she ever did when her mother was murdered. She can see he even gravely blames himself for it. She should have been able to tell this sooner. _What's wrong with you Kate? How could you let it get so bad… _

She thinks back to the past 4 months. Back to when they had finally found Castle, in a boat in the middle of the atlantic. He didn't look tortured but his eyes told another story. He sad gunshot wounds he was recovering from and possible Dengue fever which made no sense. Besides that she remembers he was out of it from exposure and dehydration. The world may think differently but she knew every inch of him. His flawless skin was marred with scars and wounds. Some partially healed due to time and some extremely recent. But none of this was as bad as the lost soulless look in his eyes. It was as if in the 2 months that those people had kept Castle prisoner, they had succeeded in breaking away a large part of him. He didn't look happy to be saved. He didn't even notice her particularly it was as if he were looking for no sign of her. Like she never existed. He thought she didn't know but she knew every time he left bed around 1 and went wandering around. The few times she had followed him, it had always been the same thing, he was looking for something frantically but she never figured what. He also insisted on jumping right back into the case. Said that it was important for him to solve this one. She's seen him still obsessing over it.

Oh and when they had found one of the men about 2 weeks into investigation… How could she have missed that? She remembers how he jumped at the chance to a private interrogation. How he begged them to let him go in alone and turn off all cameras. She had seen that anger before, only now she remembers when, she'd seen it in the mirror for all these years. She knows that when Castle was done interrogating, the man was in no condition to be questioned again, but for Castle's sake, they had found a way to prevent the fact that a suspect who previously was in perfect condition was suddenly missing a few teeth and had a few unexplainable injuries.

_Snap out of the past Kate… how does one make a person with no hope at all believe that the person is alive? And sitting in front of them, but that's not the main issue right now.. _

"Castle… look at me"

He obeys her like a loyal dog and she hates it that he does… it's as if he had started following 'orders' without thought but that problem is for another day.

"Who am I?" She asks, tipping her tongue as she tries not to chew the inside of her cheek as she hopes she isn't too direct.

She sees the bewildered look in his eyes and the disbelief showing up but she urges him to answer her.

"You're my fiancee"

"No, who am I? what's my name?"

She knows he's struggling with this one. _Hell how can you know? You've never been in his shoes like that. _

_"_Kate Beckett"

"Full name"

"Katherine Houghton Becket"

"That's right. And, I am living breathing and very much alive and sitting right here in front of you"


	4. Chapter 4

She yawns as the _Game of Thrones _ringtone goes off on her bedside, alarming her that someone's calling her. Still not completely awake she peeks an eye open and grabs her phone to check the caller ID meanwhile also checking the time. _Kate's calling at 7:30am? what could've gone wrong on such a fine saturday? _

"Hey Kae-"

"Lanie I need you to pull up the blood toxicology reports and all other medical files on Castle from when he was found"

"Whoa whoa whoa girl, what happen?"

"I'll meet you at the Morgue in an hour! ok thanks bye!"

and with that the line went dead.

Lanie put the phone down and shook her head muttering to herself about how _the lovebirds _always find trouble. She got out of bed and walked to the bathroom like a machine following its daily routine. Toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, face wash, scalding shower, hair, dress up, make up and then finally, the hardest task of them all: Wake Xavi up. _You'd think being a cop means that you wake up early and are quick to respond, oh but he looks like such an adorable thing when he's sleeping. Oh well… _

_"_Xavi…" She drops down to her knees by his bedside and whispers by his ear. "Time to wake up boy" she adds with a nudge. After spending 10 minutes trying multiple failed tactics she huffs with impatience and yells "XAVIER ESPOSITO!" Hilariously so, the man in question jumps up and falls face first off the bed. Happy with her work, Lanie grins, picks up her purse and walks out, leaving a muttering Xavi behind.

Now that she's finally ready and out of her apartment she is mentally free to replay Kate's words. _Why would she need his files from then? I hope Castle's ok… they're only beginning to solve whatever wedge the kidnapping put between them… crap… if they break up over it… I'm literally going to go homeless… and we can't have that… _

By the time she's done replaying Kate's words over and over again, she's already at the Morgue, her body on AUTO mode having carried out all her daily tasks. _Ah now the files… who was his Doctor? Ah yes Dr. Jane Edwards. _Lanie turns on her computer and powers up Safari placing a search for Dr. Jane Edwards at The New York-Presbyterian University Hospital of Columbia and Cornell. To her surprise her search comes up invalid. _Boy… there's something really messed up going on here… but you can't hide from Lanie… oh no no no you can't girlie. _

On a hunch she calls up her old contact Dr. Fisch, who works in the oncology section of the same Hospital.

_Ring Ring Ring… Ring Ring Ring…. PICK THE FUCKING PHONE UP!… Ring Ring Ring.. _

"Hello this is Dr. Sara Fisch's office, how may I help you?"


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello this is Dr. Sara Fisch's office, how may I help you?"

"Ah Sara hello, it's Dr. Lanie Parish here"

"Lanie, oh god's it's been forever since you've called up, I thought the dead at the morgue had you by now"

"Ah well, not yet. Anyways, I needed your help with something…"

There's a pause as the oncologist seems to be considering her options but then seems to accept it.

"Ofcourse, what can I help you with?"

"Would you perhaps know of a Dr. Jane Edwards at the neurology or emergency section?"

"Jane? I did know of her Lanie, but that was before she passed away six years ago. What is this about?"

"Wait a minute… she's dead?"

"You seem surprised… wasn't it your very favorite homicide team that solved her murder? The best selling author, his muse, your boyfriend and the irish guy?"

"Uh… um yes… about that… do you think you could pull up a file from the hospitals records?"

"That would be illegal and you know that Lanie"

"Yes, but try and understand, you know about how Castle, the mystery writer got abducted fro 2 months? It's about the same case… It seems like someone posed to be Jane Edwards and played as his doctor during his stay at the hospital"

"I could talk to the neurology department and get them sent right away. I'm pretty sure the reports aren't faulty cause according to hospital policies, serious cases such as his don't just get slipped off by one doctor, it needs a board's approval and is looked by multiple people within the department. The only thing that could be faulty is her conclusion or advice. You might want him to come in for another check up though"

"Right, I'll be waiting for the fax. And Sara?… Thank you so much… this means a lot"

"Anytime Lanie, just keep in touch girl"

And with that she hung up.

_So if the very doctor was fake… means Castle can be in a lot more trouble than whatever it is we expect…Oh Kate… _As if right on cue, in storms the hotheaded detective, only in tears this time. No embraces, no questions, no statements and no remarks, she just slumps down by the morgue table and holds her head in her hands.

Lanie blinks looking at her friend who's obviously upset… and crying… _Wait.. Crying? Kate Beckett does not cry? OMG Did she and Castle break up? Did they fight? _

She almost immediately runs to her friend and hugs her stiff cold body. Almost as still as the dead bodies she deals with… This thought scares Lanie more than ever.

"He… he… he thinks i'm… that i'm dead Lanie"

"WHAT?! GIRL EXPLAIN YOURSELF NOW OR IMMA WHACK YOU"

Kate blinks and just cries into her friend's shoulder. She knows that crying openly is very out of character for her but right now she can't hold them. Not after last night.

"Did you get the files Lanie?" she says about 15 minutes later once she's calmed down slightly. And yet again just on cue a trainee walks in holding a manilla folder and hands it to Lanie.

"Yep, just did. Now give me a few minutes to read these ok? And um can you get Castle down here? I need to check on him and he'll need to go to the Hospital for another check up. And you want to sit with a sketch artist and draw down his doctor"

Kate notes these silently while Lanie continues to read the file, once done she throws the file in a complete loss of control before she punches the morgue table out of frustration. Kate flinches as she's not used to seeing Lanie angry in such a manner but can't help looking at her with utter curiosity.

"Norcuron and Dantrolene were found in high amounts but this was outright ignored by the doctor… injury to the left temporal lobe… major concussion… healed bullet wounds… scabbing on various places… dengue recovery… syringe marks… dehydration… exposure… sun burns… disorientation… fuck"

"Um… english?" Kate tries

"Norcuron is… it's a neuromuscular blocking agent and Dantrolene is a muscle relaxant… it could have been used to paralyze him… or to brain wash him… or to do both" she replies as she watches pure horror morph over Kate face to pure anger and back to horror within a single second

"C… could you explain that more specifically?"Kate asks as she literally shakes while her temper hits the roof.

"If given both, it would cause prolonged paralysis and lack of air to the lungs/brain simultaneously. In such a circumstance if he were regularly injected and fed with information, the feeling of being trapped along with the lack of oxygen to the brain would cause the information to be implanted into not only the conscious but the subconscious and the unconscious. At times it may not be conscious and he may not remember it which is probably why he remembers nothing of the months he spent in captivity"

"So… so you think… that they made him believe I was dead while he was paralyzed? Oh my god… Rick…"

"That's all we can guess for now Kate, you might want to get him some professional help if that's the case… we can't have him suffering like this can we?"

"No… no we can't… I remember those months I spent thinking he had walked away or worse… that he was dead… I remember the utter hopelessness I felt and that aching need to…"

"To?"

"To just end it Lanie… I faced that for two months… the pain… it's unimaginable… I would cry myself to sleep"

"I know girl… I was there too… remember when Javi was trapped in the factory that blew up? I had nightmares for weeks and it was pathetic"

"I have someone perfect in mind for Castle… I'm going to be back later and I'll bring him along so that you can check for yourself if theres anything more apart from the obvious…"

Kate steps out of the morgue, unshed tears now slipping down her cheeks as she lets the darkness of those months recapture her. She takes out her phone and calls a number she hasn't looked at in three years now. She almost smiles at her good fortune as the receptionist picks up on the third ring.

"Hello Dr. Burke's office, how may I help you?"


	6. Chapter 6

"Richard Castle, you are under arrest for the murder of Katherine Houghton Beckett. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in court"

_No! She can't be dead! this… this isn't real! Kate where are you… _

He feels his heart give away. He can feel the burning pain of death rip through it. Rip through him inside out, like being pushed down a rugged rusty shredder that makes it all the more painful and slow.

"Kate?"

He isn't thinking clearly… the world is going black. _NO! NO SHE CAN'T BE DEAD_

"Kate… is d..?" _No don't say it! she isn't dead! Rick she's alive… first breath.. control the situation_…

"I… I didn't kill her! She's alive and breathing… She's my fiancee, soon to be wife in a couple hours, why would I? Javi, Ryan you know this…. she can't be dead. We're getting married!"

"Turn around Castle. It's over. If you didn't do it then we'll do our best to prove you innocent, but if you have, as it seems to be right now, then even god ain't saving you" Javier replies twisting Castle's wrist as he forces the cuffs extra tight causing Castle to almost whimper if it weren't for the inner turmoil that was killing him right now.

"DAD! HOW COULD YOU!?"

He looks blankly at the face of his daughter now staring fire at him. She thinks he killed her? She thinks he did it?

How could she? How could she just die? He looks down now noticing the knife in his hand and blood all over his arms. It isn't her blood is it? He couldn't have done this…

"DAD!? DAD?"

He feels his world shake around him and he blinks just as he feels the tip of the knife slice through the top flesh of his chest. A stabbing pain goes through him but he has no clue where or why… _Why is my head spinning? _He can feel the world around him spin as the blood rushes up to his brain… the bile up his throat… He blinks again and he notices that he's sitting by the kitchen counter, his white shirt now bleeding, a burning pain filling his chest and his daughter staring at him wide eyed, shaking him.

"Dad what are you doing?! Why are you trying to stab yourself?!" She tries once again, while snatching the knife out of his hand and keeping it on the counter, far from his reach.

A couple other people join her but their faces are a blur as he passes out.

"Castle?! Lanie see what I told you?"

"Quick-"

"CALL 911!"

"-lay him on the floor. Get some water for him and-"

"Shit that's deep! Lanie. HELP!"

"Calm down Kate! He'll be fine, just a couple butterfly stitches and he should be fine! Alexis got to him before he could do any real damage"

Kate falls to the ground besides the love of her life as she breaks into sobs. Lanie is busy stitching up Castle's self inflicted wound so Alexis joins her in her sobs. The two women embrace, each finding comfort in each other while Martha who has been silent up till now provides the first aid kit to Lanie, before she too joins them trying to offer her comfort to the 2 younger women in front of her.

_This is all my fault… he's hurting himself because he thinks I'm dead… if only I had found out sooner… dug deeper… watched him closer… If only I had trusted him enough to know it deeply within me that he would never go cold feet on me… he'd have help by now… If situations were reversed he wouldn't have doubted me for a second… he would have embraced me on my return and would have watched me closely till he was sure there is nothing wrong… how could I give up on him even for a moment? The man has been through way worse than the worst of my imagination… _

_Kate get a hold of yourself… remember why the NYPD has you… why the General Attorney's Office had you… your ability to compartmentalize… you need to be out there and get him help, not create more problems! _

She blinks as her mind or rather Lanie seems to be getting through to her. She pulls in a deep breath and roughly wipes her tears with the back of her hand. By the time she's ready to stand paramedics are already carrying him out of the door. Wordlessly, she follows and upon reaching the ambulance she calmly sits down. As calmly as any woman who's fiancee almost killed himself.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! HERE's A LONGER THAN USUAL CHAPTER TO THANK YOU FOR THEM **_"Richard Castle, you are under arrest for the murder of Katherine Houghton Beckett. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in court"

A blink.

A flash.

He blinks. once. twice. thrice.

"You"

"Will"

"Comply"

Another blink.

"Compliance"

"Causes"

"Peace"

Yet another blink.

"The"

"Sooner"

"You"

"Comply"

And another blink.

"The"

"Sooner"

"You"

"Shall"

"Find"

"Peace"

One last blink. He can manage it. It's painful but he can do it. He needs to know the truth

"Comply"

"Now"

"And"

"You"

"Shall"

"Find"

"Peace"

By now all he sees is a psychedelic swirl of colors and flashing images with the sentence_ 'Richard Castle, you are under arrest for the murder of Katherine Houghton Beckett. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in court' _repeating over and over again.

NO! NO! NOT AGAIN!

Look Away Castle. You can do it…. why can't I move?

He feels himself awaking from his brief look into his conscience - into the truth, into a strong sense of a 'presence', pressure on his chest in the form of this intense fear that is gut wrenching and blood curdling. He can hear screams and pleads of help in the distance. He recognizes the voice even from miles, heck he would recognize that voice anywhere, only now, he hears something in the voice that he has never heard before: fear for life. He can feel her voice fade. He can hear her pleads fade as if she were beginning to give up. He can hear the blade slice through her skin, but he can't move. It's as if he's being held down. He needs to get out of this trap, he tries to focus on his surroundings, on what's holding him back but all he sees is darkness, pitch black darkness. And the sheen of metal. Is he being held down by metal? _Focus Rick. Look at it more carefully. Handcuffs? Why is he handcuffed? 'Richard Castle, you are under arrest for the murder of Katherine Houghton Beckett. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in court' BUT SHE'S ALIVE! CAN'T YOU FUCKING HEAR HER SCREAMS? HER CRIES? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? HOW DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES DETECTIVES WHEN YOU ARE SO BLOODY DEAF! _

_Wait, are the handcuffs just growing heavier and turning into chains? _

_"__BECKETT! BECKETT RUN! BECKETT IM H-" _

He can feel every movement became impossible, and every scream being smothered by the metallic material that was growing around his mouth and throat. Thoughts raced through the mind: This wasn't a nightmare, the reality of the room was far too distinct and his perception and thinking were far too clear. How does he help her if he can't even move.

_Wait… why is it so silent now? Why can't he hear her? _

_Did someone save her? or is she dead? _

_She's dead or she would have found him. _

Her death will be on him.

He failed to help her.

To save her…

He failed her.

He truly has failed her.

She deserved someone stronger…

He blinks again and finds himself tied down once again. Only now he's in a familiar room. Is it the inside of a prison? Funny. He's never been to prison. _Wait why is everything written in french? Am I in Paris again? No the architecture is very different. Quebec? Montreal? Montreal. I've been to Montreal? _

_There was in the room the same thin white mist that he had before discovered . . . he felt the same vague terror which had come to him before and the same sense of some presence . . . Then indeed, his heart sank within him: as if had stepped out of the mist or rather as if the mist had turned into his figure, for it had completely disappeared, stood a tall, thin man, all in black. He knew him at once from the description of the others. The waxen face: the small aquiline nose, on which the light fell in a thin white line; the parted black lips, with the sharp white teeth; and the piercing green eyes . . . He would have screamed out, only that He was paralyzed or held down by unseen forces. It's the fake Henry Jenkins. _

_"__Time to wake up Mr. Castle" _

He blinks again and finds the disturbing 'Beeps' return once again.

_Beep Beep Beep… _

_Am I at the hospital? _

_Beep Beep Beep… _

_Why am I at the Hospital? _

_BEEP BEEP BEEP! BEEEP! BEEEEP! _

_"_Castle? Castle I'm right here. Look at me. Rick?"

He blinks and finds himself facing the unbelievable.

"Kate? You… you're ok?"

"Yes. Yes I'm fine"

"Wh… what happened?"

"You um… You lost yourself in thought while making lunch for yourself n Alexis and ended up stabbing yourself… want to talk about it?"

He winces as he strains his brain was a memory or a recollection, anything that would tell him what's going on but all she says leaves his ears as soon as it reaches him and within him, all he feels is the dread of loss. This beautiful amazing woman who sits by his bedside can't be alive. And if she is, then he is damaged. He failed to save her. She deserves more. She deserves better. She deserves someone who can protect her instead of getting tangled in metal.

"Rick?" she pushes him a bit to talk, his silence and the pained look on his face accompanied by the single tear that had escape his eye, concerning her. "You promised to tell me what's going on. Talk to me. Please"

"You… you were… you were screaming for help Kate… I failed you… I wasn't able to help you or save you the one time you needed me. You… you were taken right in front on me and I did absolutely nothing. I… I'm so sorry Kate… I'm a pathetic excuse for a man… I'm a pathetic excuse for a partner… you deserve… so much better… I… I thought you died… when I couldn't hear you anymore… wh.. what happened? How.. who got you out?" He croaks out in between panting breaths as if suddenly his lungs were giving away.

Kate feels herself break a little more as she sees him struggle in front of her, struggle to even accept she's alive… and to think that he doesn't deserve her? This strong man went through branching tortures as visible through the new toxicology reports, scans and medical reports. Went through multiple concussions, fractures, scars and evidence of weaken'd brain activity… and he thinks he's not good enough for her?

She can't help it… She needs to show him she's his and that she's there and so she doesn't know how it happens or what really happens but she finds her lips against his. mouths dancing against each other, tongues lashing out in a fight for control, teeth appearing and nipping at each other in a breath taking, heated, bruising kiss which finally ends with the alarming need for air supplied by the suddenly loud BEEPs coming from Castle's heart monitor and she pulls away with a blush as a nurse walks in and taps her on the shoulder.

"Detective, I'm sorry but under his condition I wouldn't suggest any intimate physical contact for now… he needs to heal, his heart or his lungs arent strong enough to deal loss of air for even a minute"

They both look sheepishly at the nurse and for a second Kate thinks the world is set right back on track, that is. Until she sees the dead sadness in his eyes, the piercing blue of his eyes dimmed by the shadows of guilt that should never exist. She would do anything to rid him of such guilt but all she can hope for is Dr. Burke's help.


	8. Chapter 8

"Ok Rick from the top… I need it from you once again. Every single detail. Don't you dare miss a thing" A man with hair as white as snow and eyes as red as blood dictates. His voice a chill like the winds of January, his skin so pale that it put Bram Stroker's imagination to shame.

Castle groans inwardly having already recounted his dream several times.

"At least untie me?"

"Oh but child, if I do untie you, then the process is futile. The only way to enter your subconscious is to let go of all control, and now if you're going to complain, I must remind you, it's you who came to me, and not the other way around"

"But! You promised you'd be able to help!"

"I promised to help. I never promised that it would be painless and easy"

"Well you certainly didn't warn me about water boarding"

"Do you wish to leave Mr. Castle?"

"No… I'm sorry"

"Well then recount… we do not have all day. You don't wish your fiancee to get suspicious about your whereabouts do you?"

"It always starts with the accusation… th… that I killed her. That I'm under arrest. I can feel the bite of the cool metal handcuffs against my wrist as they slide into place. I can feel the perspiration under the pads of my fingers as I begin to loose my cool and my brain begins to register it. I can feel the same perspiration drip down my forehead. By then I have registered the fact and I am fighting the police. Which by the way are always Ryan and Esposito, those 2, Kate and I we make the team. So it's them who are arresting me, and they don't believe me when I tell them I didn't do it because then suddenly I'm made aware that I'm holding a knife…. and then… then…"

"Go on… you can do it"

"then… then there's blood. I can hear her scream in my ears…" he stares into the blood red eyes, unafraid of the albino sitting infront of him. As if he were rendered incapable of fear, having faced the worst of them but definitely unrecovered.

"After that… it's always different. Sometimes… it's Alexis… she blames me… or it's my mother… she blames me too…. the worse ones though… those are the ones where I can hear her fighting for her life and I am incapable of saving her because for some reason I can't move… or just can't move fast enough… And then at times it's Jim Beckett… her dad… he… he looks so lone and distraught… drowning in alcohol … and it's all my fault…"

"How's he doing girl? Or an equally important question, How are you doing girl?"

"I'm fine"

"Girl I'll whack you if you give me the fine crap. Now spit up Kate, what's going on with Castle and how are you taking it? Writer boy out there thinks you're dead and that he killed you and you say you're fine?"

"Ever since we had him discharged… he's started behaving weird all of a sudden… He doesn't stick around anymore… At times he doesn't even come back at nights… when he does, he still sleep talks only these ones sound more aggressive. He thinks I don't notice but I can see he literally avoids water like you and I would avoid poison. If it weren't for his sense of hygiene I'm pretty sure he'd abandon showers as well. I don't know Lanie I'm loosing it… He doesn't even look at me anymore. Sometimes I feel so unwanted around him… it's painful. I know that's not the story but I can't help it" Kate finally gives in before she does something so unlike her in public, she wraps herself up in a chair and cries until Lanie holds and rocks her to comfort.

"I'm trying Lanie, I'm really trying to get him back… to make this work… but how do I do this when he won't even look at me? Why… why for once can't he just see that I'm alive and he doesn't need to blame himself for it. That is just so wrong."


	9. Chapter 9

_Previously…. _

_"I'm trying Lanie, I'm really trying to get him back… to make this work… but how do I do this when he won't even look at me? Why… why for once can't he just see that I'm alive and he doesn't need to blame himself for it. That is just so wrong." _

"Well then that's simple. Make him"

"Make him what?" Kate stared at her best friend, her brows knitted in stress and confusion. She didn't even need to look in a mirror right now to know how she looked. She could literally _feel _the stress lines on her face. She knew what Castle would s-

"Girl, if Writer boy saw you now, he'd think you were trying to swat a bee off your nose"

She rolled her eyes in part amusement and part frustration _If only he were here and he looked at me that is… _she told herself silently. "Make him what Lanie?" She finally repeated her question.

"Make him look at you" Lanie answered as calm as ever, but her eyes gleamed of mischief.

_Oh…. OH! That could work… hmmm… _

Kate suddenly jumped on her friend and hugged her tight. "Thankyouuu soooo much Lanie! I'll see you later… got a lot of planning to do!" she said as she turned around looking ever so ready to just run back home and prepare.

Lanie stared at her disappearing figure with a raised eyebrow. "Girl… all I meant was sit in front of him and talk…" she said but by then Kate was long gone

Kate was so excited about finally having figured out a way that she bumped right into Alexis and then without being able to bottle up her excitement she hugged her really tight too.

"Alexis!"

"Uh… hey Kate… you um… you ok?"

"Oh.. um.. err.. yep.. I mean yes I'm ok"

"Wow you look as happy as your wedding day" Alexis said before she could bite her tongue and stop herself. Surprisingly it didn't pull Kate's spirit down in the least. If it did, Beckett didn't show it.

"Ah yeah, I think I finally know how to get through to your dad" she replied and bit her tongue just in time realizing that this was his daughter she was talking to, and his daughter didn't need details of his intimate life.

"Ah the prodigal daughter in law returns! Katherine!" Martha jumped in. _Saved by the Martha _Kate swore to herself.

"Martha! Hello! I thought you were at the Theater today!"

"Oh I decided to take a day off and meet the family. I hope Richard is better?"

"Yeah he sure will be soon" Kate could help mirroring the same mischievous look as Lanie's.

"Ew Ew Ew" Alexis literally walked past and straight up to her room after stuffing cotton in her ears.

Martha laughed it off and walked up to the Wine cabinet to pull out a bottle of wine. Kate thought she'd pull out the glasses but the old diva surprised her and handed her the bottle. "This one's really good" she said with a wink before walking out of the loft and shutting the door behind her. Kate blushed looking at the bottle and then at the door before she decided to get to work.

_Ok… hmmm… first thing first… let's call Castle up… Make sure he's here. _

She pressed her speed-dial and waited as the ringer went on. He picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" his voice sounded tired and Kate began to question her plans. What if he wasn't up to it? _Nonsense! it's Rick! He's always up for stuff… _

"Babe, I just wanted to check what time do you think you'll be back?"

"Kate?" He sounded as if he were clouded with disbelief but he must have cleared his head because he coughed and came up with a better reply.

"Well it;s about 5PM right now, this carnage of a meeting is probably going to go on for another hour and a half so I should be back by 7?"

"Perfect"

"Why?"

"Oh no nothing, just checking, you left without a word this morning"

She thought she heard him sigh and her heart broke a little.

"Rick, I love you. Now come back home soon" She tried to put all her love in those two sentences and then cut the phone as she had no power to deal with the possibility of no reply to that. Once she cut the phone however, she immediately felt this extreme anxiety and a tear helped itself down the side of her face. _Weren't those the exact words i'd said before he was kidnapped? _

Just that moment Alexis popped her head in the room and found a crying Beckett crumpled on the floor. She knew running up to her would only startle her and make things worse so she tried the calmer option though calm was the last thing she felt. "Kate?" She spoke slowly and softly. The Detective didn't seem to hear her so she repeated as she took a step closer "Detective Beckett?" she tried again and this time she got a reply in the form of a tear stained face looking at her. She couldn't hold herself anymore she sat down besides the detective and hugged her tightly. The same way they had done for each other the past 4 months. The first 2 while the one man they both cared about was missing and the next 2 months while he hurt them without even meaning to by his dead, self blaming behavior.

The two had gotten a lot closer the past few months, using each other as actors to reality and life and hope and all those things even as they felt hopeless and hollow within. They kept the gloom at bay for each other while playing like a tether to tomorrow.

"If-"

"Don't say it Kate. Don't even think it… you know it, even better than me, how living in the past can ruin you… how living in the if's can destroy you… don't do that to yourself… don't submit yourself to such pain… you don't need it nor deserve it… what you deserve is happiness… you'll need to fight for it… but you can do it"

Every time Alexis spoke Kate was always taken aback by the young adult. It always hit her that this is Richard Castle, the five-year-old-on-a-sugar-rush's daughter. How could a metrosexual man child like him have raised such a wise, strong headed girl?

"I'll do it"

"Yes you will. Anyways, I'm going to meet Connor for dinner and so I probably won't be back tonight" she said with a wink before giving her stepmom/sister/friend/dad's fiancee a hug and leaving.

With her spirits raised once again Kate stared at her underwear drawer in front of her and decided to get to work. _Hmm…. red or blue? I guess blue… don't want to make him feel sabotaged… oh… he's yet to see this one… hmm he better like it.. Now… Candles? Flowers? _

For some reason her head kept flying back to two years ago, a couple months before he proposed to her… When he realized he was taking her for granted and when in a moment of cloudiness she almost kissed another man… Oh she hoped with all her might that he wouldn't remember that and try connect dots where dots do not exist.

_Ok so maybe just 2 or 3 candles… ugh Castle's so much more better with the mushy romantic setting stuff!… _

She got to work and some how within the next hour the 2-3 candles multiplied to 20 and the ensuit bathroom around the hot tub smelled of roses. Kate placed the bottle Martha had carefully selected, and placed it by the side of the tub before she went to grab the wine glasses and placed them by the bottle. As if just on time, she heard the door open and she shut the bathroom door loud enough that he would know she's here. She left it unlocked and prepped her makeup while she waited for him to get her letter and join her in here.


	10. Chapter 10

Castle walked in, exhausted, his mind having completely forgotten about his waiting fiancé. So when he walked in to his study and found a card with a little candle by the side, he was obviously taken aback by surprise. He opened the letter and found a single sentence, three words etched in a penmanship he would recognize even in his death.

'_Time to Play_'

He wondered what she was up to and then heard the distinct _THUD _of his bathroom door. He was in no mood for games but a part of him which was conscious for now, felt guilty and so he decided to play along. So he entered the room and to his surprise once again, he found the room quite normal, after the card he thought he's to expect a lot of red and whites fluttering the place…. that's the second time he's been caught by surprise in a span of 5 minutes, is he loosing his touch? Or is Kate Beckett just full or more mysteries that he may still never be able to unravel….

He took off his jacket and placed it on the chair before he knocked on the bathroom door and entered. Needless to say he was surprised again, he found his fiancee sitting in the hot tub, surrounded by candles while she supposedly red a book and sipped some wine. She looked up at his from under her luscious curls "You coming Castle?" she said with the hint of a smile playing at her lips. "I thought I'd show you how I used to read your books" she said almost smirking. He looked at the cover of the book she was reading now and shook his head as he found himself laughing. Something he hadn't done in ages. "If a book could be torn by just reading it too many times, you've managed it Kate" She just smiled back in return and then motioned her head towards a book sitting on the counter top right next to a glass of _Cabernet Sauvignon._ He could tell just from looking at how red the wine was…

He undid his clothes as if in silent agreement and joined her, though he decided to still keep his boxers on. He brought the wine and the book with him, almost smiling as he looked at the bookmark still in place, settling into the hot tub he took a sip of wine and nodded at Kate for her choice before he went on to read.

A minute passed…

10 minutes passed…

Kate finally lost her patience between peaking at him from the book and nudging him with her feet. She decided she's going to have to make a bolder move if this is to work, so she put her book down and turned around, almost forcing Castle to get rid of his book as she rested her head against his chest and he brought his chin to rest on it. For the umpteenth time Kate wondered how they fit in so perfectly but she wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Since Castle wasn't thinking, he found his arms slowly wrap around Kate's frame and hold her while he heard their slow breaths and heartbeats, aligned in his ears.

_It's slow but it's working… _Kate thought to herself and ever so slightly started drawing patterns with her finger tips over his built arms that now held her to him.

"Castle, let me help you to a massage, you seem so strained… how did the meeting go?"

He didn't even protest he let his arms off her so she could turn around, siting in his lap with her hands on his shoulders as she began to massage him but she could feel his palms slowly cup her ass.

_Oh yes this is going to work… _

_"_Why detective you have the hands of an angel" he commented as if trying to ignore discussing this 'meeting' of his. He couldn't tell her about it… not yet. No. He just hoped that Gina and Paula wouldn't stop covering up for him.

"You already knew that babe" she replied before her fingers eased around a knot causing him to shiver and let out a moan. She pulled herself closer to him, rolling her hips slowly in a seductive dance like manner over his lap as she brought her lips by his ear and whispered softly. "What's on your mind Castle?" She said it slowly and let the words roll out, one syllable at a time but he just shrugged. "Nothing at all"

Oh but she wasn't going to give up so soon.

"Tell me she said before her tongue darted out to the shell of his ear for a millisecond while her fingers still worked their magic over his shoulders and her little dance continued

"Talk to me" she whispered softly and she could literally feel his defenses give in, she could feel it under her if nothing else…

When he didn't reply she decided she'll just have to play bait so she pulled herself off him and resumed her previous position. She picked up her book and glass of wine, and drank it all in a go while looking at him in the most seductive manner possible.

He didn't think he was going to get out of this hot tub alive tonight, so he might as well just die doing the one thing he desired just then, so he made a move, he moved with agility and kissed her hard and deep with one hand holding her arm behind her and the other disposing off the book to a corner. She shrieked out of surprise at first but then she gave in and kissed him back. It felt like only moments but suddenly any article they wore were either torn or discarded somewhere on the bathroom floor. Kate felt his strong biceps under the grip of her one free hand, she felt his strong abs as they pinned her to the hot tub and she could feel her need and want for him pulsing right into her eardrums. She felt her lips bruise with the volley of kisses they shared as if they couldn't have enough of each other… she felt him fondle her and worship her just like their very first time and now she could feel the tears brimming her eyes.

"Lets take this to the room shall we?"

She barely whispered before he picked her up and carried her to bed.

_A/N: What do you guys think? Thank you for all the reviews! I put up 2 chapters today as an apology for the delay, hope you like it! _


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Im so sorry it's taken this long but I got you guys a bit of a gift. As I'm breaking the 10,000 word limit I thought I'll write a little extra. I hope this answers a LOT of your questions. Believe me though, this story is far from over. Want a little hint? count the number of images**

"It's the darkness that scares us kid… would you happen to know why?" The albino's red bloodshot eyes were boring into Castle. Take back a couple months and Castle would be grinning, throwing in some humor and walking out of it… or at least he would show fear if nothing else due to the situation he was in… Now… the man sat stoic, tied up and drenched with no fear for his life. When he did answer, his own tone was alien to him. He no longer recognized the man he had become…. oh but he knew he had to go back to being that man, and he didn't care wether it took life or death for that.

He needed it…

Alexis needed it…

His mother needed it…

She… _She _needed it.

"It hinders sight… leaving us unable to recognize or define what is in front of us"

"Yes… you tread in darkness Mr. Castle"

"You're wron-" He's interrupted by his iPhone's ringer going off and he looks at the man in front of him in frustration as he is unable to reach his phone due to being tied up. The older man calmly picks the phone up, accepts it and places the phone on Castle's ear.

"Castle" Rick barks into the phone, his frustration seeping into his voice specially since he has absolutely no clue who he's talking to, but as soon as he hears the voice on the other end his voice goes down an octave and his features seem to mellow down.

"…Oh, I'm sorry, no… no you're not interrupting at all, yeah sure I'll be there soon, ok, bye"

Once the phone is away from his ear, his frustration is back and for once Richard Castle doesn't have the one thing he prides himself on: Patience. He may be a 5 year old on a sugar rush on most days, but when necessary he has the patience of an ant. If nothing else, he had his relationship with Beckett to prove that.

"Untie me. Now" he literally barks the command in such agitation and at such a volume that even the albino takes a moment to school his features off the surprise. In their sudden moment he forgets about the phone and that leaves a very confused Kate Beckett on the other line clutching on to her phone hoping her fiancee hasn't walked into any sort of trouble.

Javier Esposito frowns as he watches his boss and dear friend suddenly turn from hot headed detective to pale faced rabbit crumbling down to her knees as if someone just cut them right off her. "Beckett?" he questions her silently enough that no curious heads peak from their desks. She doesn't reply but she's suddenly on action, she's signaling for a location tap and walking briskly to her desk. He can see the burning fire in her eyes and instantly knows that today is not going to be a good day. He watches her closely while she takes out a note pad and starts writing down sentences that make absolutely no sense to him. At least not yet, thankfully by then Ryan is there with a little sticky note stating the location. He's almost ready to go chase down whatever perp this is, having guessed that is what this was when he notices her shaking his head. A couple more sentences get furiously scribbled down on the notepad before she cuts the line. She looks at the address and the anger in her eyes only seems to get darker. "Rick should be here in 45 minutes, when he gets here, I'll be at the range, just come get me? We'll sit and pan out that new lead that came through this morning on Jenkins. Till then… I need you to talk to the blonde one… er.. Varic Ire-"

"Titus Eyla you mean…"

"Yeah that one" she snapped but then felt guilty almost instantly "I'm sorry guys… I … I need some air"

Whatever just happened had taken a tall on her and from personal experience Esposito knew that it wasn't the best time to be alone but he also knew Beckett, if there was anyone who could be more stubborn than a mule, it was Beckett. Helpless, he looked at Ryan who just shrugged unable to adjudicate just as he himself was. Having no other choice the two detectives watched their boss disappear around the corner of the stairs and then moved towards the interrogation to talk to a very nervous Titus Eyla.

At first they just went and sat there, opened the files and pretended to read while they felt his eyes trying to bore into the files for a little hint, oh but he would find nothing, the file was the fire escape manual…

When Esposito noticed the sweat beads, he knocked his heel to the back of Ryan's chair. The message was simple: let's get some answers now.

"Titus, we have some very interesting questions for you"

"Um, I think, I err figured that out" the man replied while trying to keep an emotionless face but was obviously failing. It didn't take a detective to see that he was nervous. If there was anything Javier Esposito knew, it was, if you're nervous then there's a reason you're nervous. They find the reason, they get leverage. If they can get the leverage they can get him to talk. Sweet.

"So what did you have for breakfast this morning Titus?" Ryan started off and Esposito had to do everything within his control to keep away any sign of amusement even though he was ready to fall on the floor laughing. If it weren't Ryan's question, it was Titus's reaction. Something about making them squirm, specially when you know they're guilty, it makes it so much worth it.

"How is that related to anything?" the man seemed almost oblivious as he walked into their little trap.

"Related to anything? We're simply asking questions, interrogating you as you've already deduced" Ryan went on with the game.

"Oh yeah, yes, of course. Um, I had French toast and bacon" Titus replied

"Ooh heavenly, I had this amazing plate of scrambled eggs and pancakes, so full I couldn't even bother with lunch"

"Pancakes are good" Titus seemed to agree. The man looked no older than early twenties and despite looking like one of those furiously handsome athletes torn right out of some movie, his eyes held no shine, in short, he had the looks but he was a no brainer. _Probably used a calculator for 2+2_ Espo mused to himself

"And lunch?" Ryan questioned further. The oblivious Titus had just fallen into the little trap.

Get them nervous, get them comfortable, they start talking. Espo-Ryan Interrogation 101.

"Oh lunch was delicious" Titus seemed to relax into his chair, it was as if whatever he was hiding was far away from lunch or anything to do with food. "I met an old friend at an old friendly spot for italian. Lincoln Ristorante. Had a Burata and a Vitello Tonnato" he rapped off in perfect italian.

"I'd pretend I know what those words mean but I don't seem to hold the same knowledge of the italian language as you my dear friend"

"Oh it takes a couple years in Venice and Rome to catch that sort of comfort around the language, but eventually, you manage" Titus all but beamed, too proud for his vast knowledge in the italian language to realize how he was confessing to his whereabouts one by one.

"How long exactly did you spend there Titus? I might just hit you up after we're done here, i'm planning on a little surprise for my wife and daughter, been saving for a couple years now, i'd love to hear all about Italy" Ryan played the next card and once again Esposito had to keep from laughing. If there was one thing he knew about his partner's wife, it was her outright distaste for that country.

"I spent 2 years there. A couple months in Venice and then a couple months in Rome and then about 9 more months in Venice and the remaining 6 months in Rome again"

"Sweet" Esposito commented before he felt Ryan's heel kick into his ankle. Cue to lay all the cards down. But no wait they needed the year out of him.

Before Ryan could say or do anything, Esposito barged in, they couldn't leave the little loop in this interrogation. "You seem to have had a sweet time there, what brought you back?"

"Oh you know, I'm nothing if not a friend during a time of need"

"And then you just decided to stay here?"

"I just came back recently actually. About 5 months ago… I probably will go back in a month or so"

_Aha! _

Ryan pulled out an envelop and placed 7 distinct images on the table. As if for theatrics he placed each one at a time and allowed time enough to watch Titus Eyla bleach down a shade. By the 7th picture he was a pale ghost. "Do you recognize this man?" Esposito asked calmly as he pointed to a picture of Titus holding Castle by the collar from two years ago. The man seemed to be sweating a river again and had suddenly found a new interest in the way his fingers locked around each other. He must have given it some thought and realized how he had walked himself into it so he took in a long breath and sighed before jumping into an answer "Yes, but it's not what it looks like it's just me trying to talk some sense into him"

"Sense into him for what?" Ryan questioned, curious as to what this man had to say

"He couldn't be in a relationship with that lead detective of yours, he… he broke my sister's heart just 2 weeks before that"

Esposito and Ryan both looked at each other in confusion, back then even they didn't know Beckett and Castle were going around, much less the public. "What do you mean?"

"You remember my sister, she mentioned you both. Said he worked with you"

_Oh so his sister was a stalker… _

"What's your sister's name Titus? I could go across the hall, grab a computer and search the records but you'd just save us all some time by giving us direct answers"

"Bethany" he said the name with such remorse. "Her name was Bethany"

"was?" Esposito decided to push even though he could see the unshed tears the man in front of them was trying very hard to fight but the story was clearer now, he just needed the sharpest details.

"Yes, was" Titus bit back. Suddenly the nervous man was gone, replaced by a man seething with his need for revenge. "He… he killed her. How could he go propose to another woman when he knew my sister loved him so much?"

"How did she die Titus?"

"Sleeping pills"

"Did he give them to her?"

"No he was to oblivious and happy with his fiancee" the man literally spat the words out. "Too oblivious to see how much it hurt poor Beth"

"Then how did he kill her? Unless he forced the pills down her throat which I doubt is what happened" Esposito didn't even know why was he reasoning with this deranged son of a bitch but he couldn't help it. Something in him wanted the whole story through and through.

"Detective, to disallow your lover, love is punishing them. To disallow your lover the love they deserve by sleeping with and loving another is as good as killing them"

"Did Richard Castle ever tell your sister he loves her?"

The anger started to build or fade in Titus, Esposito wasn't sure, all he knew was that it wasn't something Titus had thought of before.

"No he didn't. But! that's exactly my point isn't it? He made her feel wanted and loved for an evening. Even introduced you guys to her and showed her an amazing time while she was here for the day. And then the next day he was gone. She wrote to him everyday. Texted him everyday. Even emailed him everyday…. he never replied to her, it was as if that day had never happened. She followed him to find out why he suddenly chose to ignore her and instead found him replacing her so soon with that bitch."

Esposito now knew exactly who the sister was. The air hostess.

Ryan tapped the second image, trying to get the interrogation back on track. He was glad no one had interrupted them.

This was of him sitting across the table from the impostor Henry Jenkins at a cafe in Venice. "Care to tell me about this guy here?"

"He's an old friend"

"You both seem to be pretty thick" Esposito stated rather than questioned as he tapped the other three pictures. One from Rome, another from the site at Maine where Castle was found and a third from his lunch earlier. "World travel buddies or something?"

The man infront of them suddenly had the most sly grin possible, pasted across half his face. "Wouldn't you like to know?" gone was the nervousness and the anger, he was now enjoying their discomfort instead.

Esposito knew that if anyone was behind the glass, he's going to be in big trouble but he couldn't help it. He brought his hand down in a smack, causing the pen he was holding, to stab right into the man's knuckles, the cracking sound he heard followed by the scream had Esposito satisfied. "Yes, I would like to know. And yes, you will tell me. Now" it wasn't a question. It was a pretty simple statement. Knowing that this man had the nerves of a little bird, Ryan could bet the man would be blurting in two seconds. And blurting he was.

"He's an old friend. Don't bother facial recognition or any record data files, you won't find shit"

"Well what's with the sudden increase in meetings the past few months?"

"He's a 2nd generation KGB and former marines"

"So you suddenly needed a hit man and who better than old pal from Russia?"

"He wasn't on the field Detective. Well not exactly. You may call him a Hypnotist"

It was suddenly all clicking into place… he could see the pleasure in Titus's eyes in front of him and he was doing his best to not just kill this man.

"Please explain what you mean by that term"

"Looking at your faces I would say you already know but I'm nothing if not an entertainer. I shall entertain your request"

"He's the man you go to for a brainwash or for a bleak painful and lonely life. It takes time but he makes it worth the time. You've seen it yourself huh?" he was grinning ear to ear and Esposito couldn't help but swear.

"You sick son of a bitch"

"How am I sick? I only gave him what he asked for and even now while he thinks he's better, he's actually getting worse. I didn't kill your friend detectives so I don't see what you wish to arrest me for. Kidnapping? The only proof you have is that I know somebody capable of causing the problems that he faces now and that too is circumstantial. So I do believe I walk"

"Actually, not yet" Ryan was almost ready to kill this bastard but he had finally figured what to do. Get him angry and spilling. "Your sister was an air hostess wasn't she?"

"Yes. How is that relevant?"

"Just curious. I remember meeting her now. I can see why he didn't pay her any more attention than a day. Even I forgot all about her. I think the only reason I remember now is because you mentioned the timing" A low blow, a very low one, he knows… as a guy who grew up with three sisters he knew exactly what emotions the man infront of him faced but right now he needed him to spill the beans.

"H…How dare you!"

"How dare I what? Forget her? Richard Castle apart from being a trusted friend and NYPD brother is also a famous celebrity and multi millionaire writer. He's always had a playboy persona, never to stick to a single woman for too long, the world knows it. I've never seen the same woman thrice on his arm. And your sister, well she was only on it once, and that too a mere showcase to get Beckett jealous"

"She wasn't just a showcase!"

"Oh but she was, I doubt he even remembers interacting with any air hostess two years ago"

"Oh but he does remember, I made sure he does"

That's it, they've connected him in a slim manner, but a little more couldn't hurt.

"But even in the two months he's been back, he's never mentioned her Titus. It's always his love for Kate. I haven't heard him even utter the word 'Bethany' even once. And trust me when I say I've looked over him a couple times while he dozed and the others were running down leads"

Esposito knew what Ryan was doing and nodded his head. "Same here dude. Your plan totally failed"

"No it didn't, he's a nerve wrecked little prey now. Not a predator anymore. My best bet is that the guy is a walking zombie. I bet his relationship is at it's end. Soon he'll be single and he'll remember my sister and know all he missed out on."

"How do you know that?"

"Well how long can you be with someone you believe to be dead. What's worse, how do you be with someone you believe you killed? A fate worse than death don't you believe?"

"I never mentioned the details of his post kidnapping trauma. I do believe that the only way you could have known is by being somehow involved" With that Ryan got up and ushered one of the uniforms inside to take the man to the temporary cells while they ran the information via Beckett and Iron Gates.


	12. Chapter 12

"Gina"

"Kate, what a-"

"Can you hand the phone to Rick please?"

"Rick? uh.. he's not… oh wait yeah, um he's in the bathroom?"

"Oh? ok. Is his meeting over yet?"

"Meeting? oh yeah, yeah it's over almost!"

"Oh and what is it you're discussing?"

"Detective are you interrogating me?" Kate put the phone down on the table and shot 3 bullets, bulls eyes all three times. Boy someone was pissed.

She didn't need to see Gina to know Gina was probably sweating her make up off by now.

"As you can probably hear, I'm multitasking so let's not waste my time here no matter how much extra you got since your _meeting _is definitely going to be on a hold till Rick gets back from the bathroom, just leave Rick a message when he comes out of this bathroom, he needs to find a better liar to cover up for him" and with that the line went dead.

_I hate being a bitch… oh but being a bitch to Gina is fun… serves her right for dragging my fiancee away from me early in the morning… no wait that was probably a lie too… ugh CASTLE! Where the hell are you? It isn't book meetings… Whoever it was sounded old and sinister. Obviously male. But you weren't held against your will. No you ordered that guy… so he's an employee… But he didn't sound friendly in the least… Oh Rick what have you gotten yourself into now? _she thought as she fired the entire magazine, once again getting the bulls eyes each and every time.

Ryan watches each bullet penetrate through the cardboard perp's head, each right through the bulls eye, and gulps as he notices that Beckett's not even close to done, on the contrary he realizes she'll just end up loading another magazine… He tried to get a peek at that notepad earlier but over the years if there's anything he's realized, it's that if Beckett doesn't want anyone reading her notes, then she damn well makes sure they aren't readable… or decipherable… whichever would seem more appropriate.

"Beckett, we got him to talk"

"Eyla?"

"Yep, guy was a nerve wreck and a psycho"

"Uh-huh?" she noted not thinking much of it as she went ahead to shoot another round.

"Beckett, you need to pay attention. He's responsible"

That had her stop. That made her put her gun down, glasses off, head phones off and anger beyond control.

"Explain. Don't miss a thing" Her eyes bore into Ryan's while he recounted the entire interrogation. He was only half done when she walked out in a hurry. Went back up to her desk, picked the remaining photos and entered holding. Ryan didn't need words to know what was going to happen, he was simply going to keep everyone out of the temporary holding. Oh crap.

"Titus Eyla!"

"Why if it isn't the bitch herself. To what do I owe the pleasure Mrs. Castle? or oh did my intervention still leave you as Ms. Beckett? I never know what to make of legal papers" he was done being nervous, he's already in jail, it's not like it can get any worse… _who allows this bitch to be happy_?

"Why you-"

"Why me what? You want to arrest me for my crimes? Go ahead. He's still never going to be 'normal' or even remotely fine. You're never going to have a 'normal' relationship. And I seriously doubt that the wedding's still on" He gave her the slyest of smirks and with all her anger, she couldn't resist it anymore. Before she knew it Titus Eyla was against the wall with her hand tight around his neck holding him there, nails dug deep into the flesh.

"You know Titus, I've met your sister. I couldn't remember her amongst the whole sea of Beth's and Bethany's but Ryan helped me by telling me it was the week after the Wall Street Blast. Didn't know the show off air hostess slut on Rick's arm was another Bethany"

"She was not a slut" he literally spat on her face but she knew better than to react at least not in the way she wanted to. So she suddenly eases her demeanor, let's him go and watches as he eases back.

"Did you know" she starts matter of fact-ly while producing a handkerchief from one of her pockets and wiping her face "Castle has a total of 12.76 million fans? She was about 27 right? hmm 1987… Did you know back then Bethany was the 87th most common female name in the United States? So since about… 80% of Castle's fandom consists of females up till their late 30s. That's like saying about 10.28 million women… Bethany back in '87 was the name of about every 18th female on the street… so that's like saying.. 585,000 Bethany's… sorry I mean 584,999 Bethany's currently belong in the Castle fandom. Just simple Internet statistics, you should try them sometime"

"What are you trying to tell me?" He growled, clearly getting the message but he wanted, no, desperately needed her to take her subtle statement back.

"Your sister was a nobody. She didn't matter. He's about to reach here any-"

"Beckett?" She looked up at the intruder and couldn't help but smile. There was the man she'd missed so much, as always 2 coffees in hand along with the new and not so liked usual of the distant look of utter confusion. But the smile lasted only for the flash of a second, the pain, hurt and anger from being lied to was back.

"Rick. Outside"

She left Titus mid conversation as she walked out of temporary holding with a shocked Castle following her like a kid on his way to the headmaster's office.

She had never felt such anger before. Not even when she would see Bracken running around free. It was this burn that she had only felt once before. It was a burn of betrayal, as if a part of her felt betrayed by him.

She could feel his presence behind her, could feel his curious eyes boring into the back of her skull but she couldn't look back at him. She had never felt this conflicted before, a part of her wanted to just hold him and kiss away all his pains and misery while another part of her wanted to put a bullet in his head for betraying her, lying to her and to think he could get away with it. But she knew she had to be calm and sensible, either of the two would get no answers. And right now, what she needed was answers.

She knew all she had to do was turn around and look into those innocent blue eyes of his, and all her anger would melt away leaving her jelly in the knees as always but she needed to hold on to this anger if they are to get anywhere. _You can do it Kate… if not for yourself, then for him. _

Minutes seemed like hours but her lips finally parted. Though they only uttered a single question.

"Where were you today?"

Castle who by now had gotten accustomed to the lying automatically started "The meeting ofco-" but then he suddenly remembered the call from Gina and mentally berated himself.

"I mean, no, I wasn't at a meeting. I needed to be alone to think clearly. It's hard to do that in closed buildings"

"Castle. The truth" she could hear the desperation and plea in her own voice but she really needed this. She was going to give him this last chance because he had always done the same for her. However, if he didn't take it, she doubted she could reign her anger any further.

He remained silent unsure of how to say it, or what to say. He was pretty sure she knew something because of the way she was suddenly behaving, but he doubted he had the courage to say it. _Just spit it out Rick! Don't be a coward! That's your… your fiancee for god sakes! You can do it! _

"I know a guy" he finally replied. It was a small droplet of truth but it was there. She heard him loud and clear but she needed more. He knows a lot of guys, this isn't going to work with her, not right now, not anymore.

"He… Let's just say he's a shrink"

"A shrink?" This isn't what she was expecting and so the question was blurted without thought and almost immediately she wanted to mentally slap herself for it.

"A shrink" he confirmed, oblivious to her inner turmoil, but when he got nothing more from her, he realized she was waiting for him to say something more.

"His methods are… a bit unconventional I guess… I was um.. I was with him"

She had to walk away right now, she had to do it. He won't know what he's loosing with his lies if she doesn't. So that's what she does. She starts briskly walking away, unsure of where she was headed to but she just kept walking.

"Beckett! Wait! Come… I'll… I'll show you"

"Is it worth it Rick? Is this shrink worth all the lying you've been doing?"

"He… He's really helped me… look please give me a chance to at least show you"

She turned around on her heels and walked right up to him, staring into his face with the most serious look she could conjure up without letting the mask on her pain down. "Then show me Rick. But god save us if you lie to me again…" the sentence was unfinished and a mere whisper but he heard her alright.

—

Within a record breaking 20 minutes they were back at the loft. Both hurting from their own inner turmoils. It wasn't lost to either of them how they both couldn't look each other in the eye or even strike a conversation to bring down the sparkling tension. Only this tension that stood between them was very different from the crackling sexual tension that usually rested. No, today it had been replaced by an unbreakable tension of anger and if it needed to be broken, he needed to put all his cards down on the table.

Castle walked into his study and waited till she was inside before he pulled the sliding doors shut and locked it behind him. One person knowing it was enough. He couldn't risk Alexis or his mother walking in on this one. Once the door was locked, he began by taking his jacket off and then button by button, he got rid of his shirt. What Kate saw beneath shocked her but she wasn't going to comment till he said something.

"Pain helps the brain remember Kate. It taps into our unconscious and sub-"

"I will stop you right there Rick. I ask the questions here, and you answer" She waited a second to see if he would rebel but he didnt. He stood shirtless and bruised infront of her with the most defeated expression on his face. "This shrink of yours. He said 'The task in front of you requires absolute focus. If you let your emotions guide you, you will fail' explain that to me"

"He believes that I am more vulnerable because I let my emotions reign over me"

"And do you not see it's another brainwash all over again? only now it's with your consent… somewhat"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you see? This shrink is tearing you down piece by piece. He's changing you… and i'm afraid it's not with your best interests"

"At least whatever he is doing is helping me! Instead of blaming me! keeping a strict eye on me or whatever, at least he's trying to help me!"

"Oh is he now?! Is that what he's doing? Or is he turning you into a machine? A heartless emotionless machine far from the caring man you are? or at least were?"

"How do you expect me to function Kate? Everything I've ever loved has been stolen from me, all I have left is this pain, anger and this need for revenge. I need to find that bastard who who… who took it all away from me… and the only way I'm going to find him is by remembering. If it takes water boarding or knives to remind me, then water boarding and knives it is… but I will remember and I will get my revenge"

"Lost everything you've loved? Are you even listening to yourself Rick?! I'm in front of your fiancee, unless you're talking about someone else, I do believe Alexis is upstairs in her room and Martha is only a couple blocks away. Ryan and Espo are at the precinct and I'm here right in front of you. So please jog my memory, who is it you've lost, or believe you've lost?"

"He killed you Kate…. and I see it every second… closed eyes and opened eyes are all the same… And I can't let that go"

"Hell with it Castle. I'm here. Infront of you! The only people who've come close to killing or threatening me are either dead or in prison and you know it!"

"I… I killed you though… and I'm free… and alive… and that's not right"


End file.
